Thursday, September 29, 2011

Australian Invasion...

Quite recently, we have had Australians join our SBW (Starbright world) crew. Recently it's just been us north americans, so it was quite a switch. I was on as one by one, they slowly entered our chatroom doors. We, due to over exuberant hosts taking the lead, were anxiously waiting to welcome these new comers. It was soon declared that the chat room was chaos. We had Australians trying to get used to the new system (Since our two systems are merging.) Like ship wreck victims, the Aussies began to search for others from their old sight. We would get the random message of "Where is so and so... I can't find so and so... WHERE IS SO AND SO!!!!" And, of course, we had to get used to their new way of things too. Over the hour or so, so many of them entered. I think we were oficially had an Australian invasion. It was pure madness. Their SBW was/is called live wire, and all their chat hosts have different names, and our time zones were all mixed up. Anyway, later that night, once I had clicked the off button on my computer and shut down all the madness, I was sitting with my journal, contemplating on what I had just experienced. The whole time, I had been... unsettled with this whole thing. They were here, in my space, taking over. They were new and scary. But then I realized, what if it's not about me. I'm here, in my space, surrounded by 2 of *my hosts* with *my* people. Here they are, on a new website, not in their place at all, with none of their hosts or friends. So what if I have to get out of my comfort zone a little? So what if I have to adjust my speech, or my ever present sarcasm, so they don't take offense. So what if I have to step outside of my little bubble a little bit, to make them feel welcome in this place that's so new and strange to them. This is just as new and overwhelming to them as it is to me. So maybe I can. Maybe I'll step out of my comfort bubble and reach out. Maybe I'll go out of my way to make them feel welcome. Maybe I'll make a couple of those minor changes, that really wouldn't affect me, to make them feel welcome.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Just a Little Something to (Hopefully) Brighten Your Day...

As you probably know, Wednesdays are busy days for me. I have coffee break in the morning, and then school. Well today, we decided to go volunteer at the local SPCA. Now I love the SPCA. I love going and walking the dogs and playing with the cute little kitties, and today was no exception. The only problem with this venture is I become WAY to attatched and suddenly want to take home every stinkin animal in that shelter (Or somethin' like that.)
Anyway, like I said, we went to the SPCA today. We had already walked one dog, a highly energetic level 2er (They are given levels so volunteers know which ones are the easy walkers (1) and the really really hard ones (5). So after walking this bundle of energy, we decided to walk another dog. We found this one level 1er who looked adorable. So my mom took Jaxon to the bathroom, leaving me to rangle up this dog. Usually, it's not that hard. You step in the cage, clip on the leash and go.
Well, first step, I got into the cage. I was so worried about letting the dog out behind me that I closed the door, not even thinking. This dog was jumping all over me from the time I got into the cage. So I wrestled him so I could clip the leash onto his collar, and then discovered that "Houston, we have a problem." In my efforts to avoid letting the dog out, I had locked myself in the cage. Now I know these things are dog proof, but I figured if I could get my fingers through one of the tiny holes, I could let myself out. Why oh why did I have to be given such big fingers? I could reach through the holes, and touch the lock, but I couldn't get my finger around to grasp it enough to pull up. (Note, all through-out this adventure, I have a dog, jumping on my back.) The other dogs in the cages in the same room were barking at me like mad. I decided I would just wait for my mom to come back and let me out. Then I thought what if someone sees me, a human child, locked in a dog cage? They're going to think I'm stupid. I probably was at this point, but I tried again. This time I found a hole slightly bigger then the rest, shoved my finger through and opened the lock. Hurray, one problem solved. The dog was still a jumpy little rascal. We left the room and started out to the main hall. There's SO many doors in that place, and I wasn't sure which door led to the main door. So, we wandered the halls. up and down, and up this one again, and through that one. We were still searching for the enterance, when I realized we had another problem. I was basically tugging this dog along behind me, and some how, some way, he slipped OUT OF HIS COLLAR! Not the leash, but the collar. So now I was chasing a rambunctious collarless dog around the SPCA. I tried calling him, no luck. I tried tricking him, still no luck. Finally, I cornered him, wrapped my legs around his body to hold him still, and re-attatched the collar. It fit snug, and I was left to wonder how he could slide out of his collar. By this point, I was thinking that this dog was definatly not a level 1er. He kept jumping, and we went in search of the door. We found my mom and Jaxon coming in. I was shaking and freaking out. We decided this dog was definatly not a level 1er and took it back to his cage.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

You've got a Friend in Me

She's my person
She's the calm to my loud
She's the loving arms behind my neediness
She's the one who always helps me sort through my problems, and never needs me to help me sort through hers, making me feel like the loser friend :)
She's my best friend, my person. She's amazing and wonderful and fabulous. She doesn't get annoyed when I'm needy to often, and doesn't freak out when I can't find the words to explain my heart ache. She's my person...
Happy 15th Birthday, Cai!

"You were always there when I needed you, never left my side, always there to lean on, and dry the tears I cried. I could always talk to you, you never seemed to mind. Your voice so honest and gentle, your words so honest and kind. I thought I'd never meet someone as special as you are, you're my best friend in the whole world, you're my shooting star"

Friday, September 23, 2011

Keep Calm... and watch Grey's Anatomy

"You just have to know. And when you don't know? No one can fault you for it. You do what you can, when you can, while you can. When you can't, you can't."

Obsessions, addictions, we all have them to some degree. They are the thing that makes you feel better on a bad day. They are were you can lose yourself. I know I have mine. And today was one of those days when you just *need* to forget, to lose yourself in something and forget. So I did. In my lime green scrub pants, I sat on the couch, and watched episode after episode of Grey's Anatomy. I lost myself in Alex and Izzie and George and Callie's crazy love triangle. (If it has 4 sides, does that make it a square? a love square?) I lost myself in a guy cutting off his own foot and a boy trick or treating for ears. Hour after hour after hour, I sat there. And I did forget. I did forget what had me so upset from that morning. I did forget everything, and I was watching Grey's Anatomy, and I was happy. I know this sounds crazy, and it probably is. But sometimes it's nice to forget. Sometimes it's nice to not worry about everything that's going on that you can't fix, and take some time out... for you. Even if that means watching grey's in scrub pants, for hours.

When skys are grey, Grey's Anatomy is my only medication.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Lost Brain Cells, and My Strange Addiction

Today was a day of lost brain cells. I've been doing school since 9:00 this morning. I studied for a science test, I drew a climatograph more times then a person 'ought to draw a climatograph in their life. I did a math problem over, and over, and over, and over and still did not end up with the right answer. My brain cells have died, causing me to be extra jumpy and scream at toasters. And yes, I do mean scream at toasters. I had a bagel in earlier, and I was waiting for it to pop, and when it did it scared me so bad I screamed and jumped a good foot off my chair.

Today was a trying day for me. But at least this school day has come to a close and I have one thing to look forward to.

In case you didn't know... GREY'S ANATOMY STARTS TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am happy, because my strange addiction will finally get what it's been craving... Mcdreamy. (And Karev, can't forget Karev.)

This was written post dead brain cells. All the brain cells may not have been replenished at this point in time. Anything I write or do can not be held against me. :)

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Quotes on a Tuesday...

"It's good to be scared. It means you still have something to lose"

"Everyone is always asking me what’s wrong, but I don’t even think it makes any sense, it’s just... my heart hurts"

"It's like dealing with a tornado. Once you are close enough to see it coming, there's nothing to do but weather the storm"

"Snuggle in God's arms. When you are hurting, when you feel lonely, left out. Let Him cradle you, comfort you, reassure you of His all-sufficient power and love."

"It's like a storm. That cuts a path. It breaks your will. It feels like that. You think you’re lost. But you’re not lost, on your own. You’re not alone. I will stand by you. I will help you through. When you've done all you can do. And you can't cope. I will dry your eyes. I will fight your fight. I will hold you tight. And I won't let go..."

"It makes me sad. And then it makes me laugh, because sadness at any length is terrifying"

"We're friends, real friends. And that means, no matter how long it takes, when you finally do decide to look back, I’ll still be here"

"Are you upset little friend? Have you been lying awake worrying? Well, dont worry...I'm here. The flood waters will recede...The famine will end...The sun will shine tomorrow...and I will always be here to take care of you"

Monday, September 19, 2011

How Have You Seen God?

Almost every day that I was on the missions trip, and now that I have joined Ministry Team, my youth pastor always asks us one question, "How have you seen God today?"

On the Missions trip, I got into the habit of daily writing down how I saw God that day. Sometimes it would be something simple, something scrawled in my messy handwriting as I tried to document the day's events before I fell asleep. Sometimes I was more creative, using great detail to describe what had happened. No matter how I wrote it, I always wrote how I saw God.

That question has been coming into my head lately more often then not. And more often then not, I have a list of answers. My relationship with my Heavenly Father has become more tender as of lately. I'm having those realizations moments, the moment when I realize something I either didn't know before, or knew but didn't get. I'm hearing His voice as He whispers into my soul. I'm taking His hand and blindly following Him into the great unknown, trusting that even if I don't know, He does. Maybe it took me being helpless, for God to show me that He was able. I've had 2 prayers over the last week or so that seem to be repeated. Over and over I whisper these words, begging God to answer. One of those prayers, the one I have already seen being answered is this... "Break my heart for what breaks yours." It was not that long after I had found out about Sadie. I had all these feelings stuffed inside, of helplessness. I was choosing the role of a victim of childhood disease, one I knew how to play well, rather then the role of helping my hurting friend. I didn't want to be this person anymore, the person who knows what it's like to have your childhood stolen from you, this person who knows the grim reality of fighting a childhood disease. So I prayed, asking God to break my heart... for what breaks His. and He did. He softened my heart and showed me that it was ok to not know. I was in uncharted waters, I'd never been in this position before, watching the sickness go on without me. He showed me that it's breaking His heart to see little Sadie suffer, and that it also is breaking His heart to see me suffer. And I think that this heart break I'm feeling is only a fraction of what God must feel, when He see's us hurting. I think if I were fully able to experience the kind of pain God feels when we are suffering, I would be floored, paralyzed with grief. I don't think I could comprehend the kind of pain God feels, when He sees His children hurting.

The second prayer I prayed this week was this "God, hold what I can't." I prayed, and still am praying, this prayer at a time of helplessness. I asked God to hold together what I couldn't. I asked Him to hold Sadie, and her family. I asked Him to hold my best friend. I asked Him to hold me, to hold me as I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death. Because I am helpless in this position, but God is able.

So Now I ask you this question that my youth pastor asks me, "How have you seen God today?"

Is He there, rejoicing with You? Is His Peace evident in these rough waters? Or is it simply the quiet recognition that Yes, even now, He is here?

Friday, September 16, 2011

One Lovely Blog Award

It looks like I got One Lovely Blog Award from the equally lovely M.Cat over at Glittering compositions, and again by my friend Sylvi.
I'm not a big one for blogging games, but I can't say no to this award. (I mean, come on, look at it)
So here's the drill, I tell you 7 random facts about myself, and then I will pass on the award to 7(ish) of you lovely's. So here we go...

1. I have written about 10 full length novels in my life time. 7 of those novels were part of a series.

2. I am a self- proclaimed Grey's Anatomy addict. I have an obsession for which there is no cure, or at least not one that I have found. 6 days until this next season begins.

3. When I was 11/12, I was in a coma no one thought I would come out of. My dad teases me by saying me 12th birthday never happened because I was asleep.

4. I got my first pair of red shoes today, very excited.

5. My favorite color changes with my mood.

6. I always bite my tongue when we walk down the aisle where the laundry soap is kept, because the smell of it makes me sort of hungry, or wanting to chew something anyway.

7. I have a wierd obsession for touching food. Except not my own food. Like brown sugar in the grocery store, stuff like that. I would love to work at Subway so I can touch people's subs. Maybe it's because I didn't start eating until I was 13.

Ok, now time to tag. Here's who I give this award to...


Miss Caroline





and... Bess

Have fun, guys!

Thursday, September 15, 2011


"The Importent thing isn't what you say, it's that you say something."

My Best Friend, Cairo's, tiny cousin Sadie at her first chemo treatment. Keep on smiling, Sadie girl.
"There is something you must remember, You are braver then you believe, stronger then you seem, and smarter then you think."

Wednesday, September 14, 2011


Today began the series of crazy Wednesdays. Coffee break started up again, and as much as I love those little kids (I'm with 3 and 4 year olds again), it's so hard to come home after working with them and try to get working on my school. I also have an Elive (interactive classroom) on Wednesdays. I'm doing school until 3:00, like normal kids, on these days, and it is rather shocking to my system.
We got a phone call today from the Hospital. On October 6 (22 days away) we're heading to Edmonton to see the anastesiologist. Apparently it has something to do with me having not been put under for a while, and for this, I'm going to have to be put under, so we have to meet with him. And then after we meet with him, I think, I hope, we can finally get in for the scope. How can the possibility of those two things thrill me and scare me to death at the same time?
Today marks the begining of ministry team. I'm excited, and a little nervous, but definatly ready to see what God has in store.

"So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever"
2 Corinthians 4:16

Monday, September 12, 2011

Midnight Songs

For some reason, this post just touched my heart today, and I wanted you all to read it. It's from the lovely Miss Natalie Llyod's blog, and it's beautiful. Go ahead and read it...

"I no longer imagined my scars as ugly, like I was a monster pieced and stitched together. Suddenly, they were curling and blooming onto a canvas - thorns at first, and then roses. They were a winding staircase into a secret tower. Instead of being long brands and labels, they curved and became the perfect papery imprint on a butterfly's wing. And when those wings hit the sunlight, they looked like a painting. Suddenly they were beautiful"

A quote from Natalie's Book, Paperdoll.

Praying for my best friend's tiny cousin who is in surgery today getting a port put in as she begins Chemo tomorrow. She's only 5. Please, keep her in your prayers.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

I remember

10 years ago today, I started kindergarten. I remember watching the twin towers fall on TV, mad because they had canceled my kids shows to show the news report.

Today, I am surrounded with images and video clips of that dreadful day. And through out it all, I can't help but remember this was the day I started kindergarten. Admist all the tragedy, with my backpack slung over my shoulders, I headed off to school.

I remember you- oh you who lost your life protecting North America

I remember you- oh parents who laid their child to rest

I remember you - oh people who boarded the plan and never came off

I remember you - heroes, who selflessly offered up your lives

I remember you - workers of Ground Zero

I remember you - The people who survived, but are forever scarred by the horrors they witnessed

I remember you - oh sweet little girl who started Kindergarten that day. You were not forgotten admist the horrors that came with this day. The importance of that day for you was not lost on me, sweet child. It is important to me, because you are important to me.

On this day, We remember

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Best Movie Of My Life - The Help

I went to see the Help today, and let me tell you, it's the best movie I've seen in a long time, quite possibly the best movie I've seen IN MY LIFE!
The movie The Help is about African American maids working in white houses during the early 1960's.
The three main characters in this story are Eugenia Skeeter, Phelan, a white girl who returns home from college to find her maid, the woman that raised her, has left. Skeeter has big dreams of becoming a writer. The other two characters are Aibileen Clark and Minny Jackson, two maids who work in the houses of white women in their community of Jackson, Mississipppi.
With out giving too much away, let me tell you that this movie explains how life was for 'the help' during this time period in Jackson.
Despite the close quarters which the Help and the white families share, there are many racial barriers, and this movie shows that really well.
I loved watching this movie. I went from laughing, to crying, to laughing again, to crying even more, to sitting there in shock because I can't believe that just happened. When the credits rolled across the screen, I was sad because the movie had ended. It's the kind of movie that makes you want to go out there and fight for something.
Before seeing this movie, I didn't understand the reality of how these people were treated, but after seeing it, I believe I do have a better understanding.
If you're looking for a movie to go see sometime in the near future, I would definatly say GO SEE THIS ONE! It is amazing, fantastic, so beautiful. I don't think there was a scene in this movie where I didn't get goose bumps. It was brilliant.
It's rated PG13 for thematic material (Looked that up online) and I think that's a good rating. The realness of this movie made me want to cringe at times. There was also a little bit of language.
I give The Help a 5 out of 5. This movie was amazing, and I loved every second of it.

Friday, September 9, 2011


As you probably know, recently I've developed an obsession for pinterest. (That's where the picture on the left is from.) Anyway, I think this picture just fits with me, and my life currently. It's so true. I am strong, I know that. I've been through more things then most people have to go through in their life time. But here's the thing, I don't always want to be strong. Sometimes, like the picture says, I do just want to be held and have someone tell me that it will be ok.

With Hands lifted and my face turned up to the heavens, I whisper my heart felt prayer, "Father, Hold me. I'm broken and bleeding and hurting, and I just need you to hold me."

“He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge” (Psalm 91:4).

Recently, I was interviewed over at my friend's blog, Glittering Compositions.
Wanna check out the interview, and her blog? Click here

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Stay With me

When Words Fail, Music Speaks.

Psalms 23:4 (Message Bible)

Even when the way goes through Death Valley,I'm not afraid when you walk at my side.Your trusty shepherd's crookmakes me feel secure.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Who I am

The song I have now decided is my 'theme song.' LOVE IT!

Sunday, September 4, 2011

80 questions

1. What Color Is Your Toothbrush?
Lime Green
2. Name One Person That Made You Smile Today?
Um, seeing my friend at church today after she's been gone a really long time (all summer.)
3. What Were You Doing At 8 AM This Morning?
4. What Were You Doing 45 Minutes Ago?
Leaving the church parking lot, I think. Or getting gas, or on the way home
5. What Is Your Favorite Candy ?
Number 6 is missing because I deleted it. :-)
7. What Is The Last Thing You Said Aloud?
Um, probably something like me telling my mom what I wanted on my sandwich
8. What Is The Best Ice Cream Flavor?
I like Strawberry
9. What Was The Last Thing You Had To Drink?
10. What Is The Longest You Have Gone Without Sleeping?
Probably 24 hours. ish.
11.Have you ever made a promise you swore to keep?
Of course.
12. Have You Bought Any New Clothing Items This Week?
13. The Last Sporting Event You Watched?
A football game my dad had on that I paid little to no attention to
14. What Is Your Favorite Flavor Of Popcorn?
There's more then one flavor?
15. Who Is The Last Person You Sent A Message To On FaceBook?
Um, to my friend asking about my other friend whose in the hospital
16. Ever Go Camping?
17. Take vitamins daily?
No. I take them sporadically when I feel especially good and healthy and holy. OR when I feel the creeping sensation of doom.
18. Do You Go To Church Every Sunday?
19. Do You Have A Tan?
No, I am pale, like a vampire.
20. Do You Like Chinese Food Over Pizza?
I love both. Depends on my mood.
21. Do You Drink Your Soda With A Straw?
I don't drink soda, but I think everything tastes better with a straw
22. Who Are You Currently Talking To On AIM?
Don't have AIM, but i am currently talking with lovely people on SBW (Star bright world)
23. What Are You Doing Tomorrow?
Hmm, possibly working, hopefully relaxing
24. Where Is Your Dad?
in the kitchen, making lunch
25. Look To Your Left, What Do You See?
a chair, a lamp, an old sewing machine with pictures and plants on it
26. What Color Is Your Watch?
27. What Do You Think Of When You Hear Australia?
Koala bears and kangaroos!
28. What Is Your Birthstone?
29. Do You Go In At A Fast Food Place Or Just Hit The Drive Thru?
I prefer going in, but sometimes we just drive through
30. What Is Your Favorite Number?
21, or 3, or 7, or 12, or...
31. Who's The Last Person You Talked To On The Phone?
My auntie.
32. Any Plans Today?
Family reunion.
33. Health Freak?
34. Biggest Annoyance In Your Life Right Now?
Um, IDK. I have a lot of annoyanes, but I don't know the biggest one.
35. Last Song Listened To?
"To save a life" by the Fray
36. Can You Say The Alphabet Backwards?
It would be very difficult, and likely embarrassing.
37. Do You Have A Maid Service Clean Your House?
LOL. I wish.
38. Favorite Pair Of Shoes/Boots You Wear All The Time?
Currently, my black and red flip flops that are insanly comfy
39. Are You Jealous Of Anyone?
To a degree, of a couple people actually
40. Is Anyone Jealous Of You?
Heh. Not likely.
41. Do You Love Anyone?
Of course
42. Do Any Of Your Friends Have Children?
No, not to my knowledge.
43. What Do You Usually Do During The Day?
School, read, write, go on the computer, have a bath, other random things
44. Do You Hate Anyone That You Know Right Now?
Hate is a strong word. It would more be I hate the actions of someone at this time
45. Do You Use The Word “Hello” Daily?
I think so
46. Would You Rather Be Alone?
For a certain period of time, yes. Like about 10 hours out of a 12 hour day... lol
47. Do You Like Cats?
48. Have You Ever Been To Six Flags?
49.Where Did You Get Your Worst Scar From?
My worst scar? Either the one on my arm from when I stuck my arm to the top of the oven while it was on, but that one's mostly faded now. either that or the one on my neck from when they tried to get an IV on my neck when I was a baby.
50. Hair Color?
currently, blonde.
51. Last CD Played?
A story CD my mom turned on last night to get my to be quiet and stop singing
52. Last Bubble Bath?
Real bubble bath or bath that when you wash with soap makes tiny bubbles? Cause if it was the last one, yesterday.
53. Last Time You Cried?
Um, last night, I think
54. Last Meal?
a Roast beef bun and a little bit of vegetable salad
55. Text Or Call?
Um, I prefer texting, but I don't either one all that much
56. Favorite Animal?
Gorilla's, panda's, koalas
57. Girlie Girl Or Tomboy?
Mildly schizophrenic.
58. Have You Ever Lost Someone?
59. Have You Ever Slept Until 1 PM?
Yeah, when I am sick
60. Have You Ever Been Drunk And Threw Up?
Never had any sort of alchoholic beverage
61. List Six People You Can Tell Pretty Much Anything To:
my friend Cairo, my friend Emily, I should probably include my mom, my youth pastor, probably, and... my misisons team? Ok, that's way more then 6, considering there's like 10 other people who went on the missions trip, but I could probably tell them pretty much anything
62. List Three Favorite Colors/Shades.
Pink, Orange and... Red
63. Have You Ever Laughed Until You Cried?
Oohh yes.
64. Went Behind Your Parents Backs?
Well, like most people, I was a bad child.
65. Who Posted This Before You?
Polka dot! (from life is to short not to wear red shoes. a new blog favorite of mine.)
66. Gay Marriage?
67. Lowering The Drinking Age?
Uh, 68 is deleted too. It was lame.
69. Who is the best hugger that you know of?
Best hugger? My friend Caitlynn hugs a lot, and she's pretty good at it, I guess.
70. Do You Believe In Love At First Sight?
I definitely believe that love can begin in an instant.
71. Is There Something You Want To Tell Someone?
72. Are You A Flirt?
I don't try to, if that's what you're asking
73. Are You Easy To Read?
Ha ha ha ha, NO!
74. How Many Kids Do You Want To Have?
3, or 5, or something like that, depending on my future career and stuff like that
75. Do You Want To Change Your Name?
Not my first name. I wanna change my last name, someday ;)
76. Last Time You Saw Your Father?
less then a second ago. he is sitting across from me
77. What Time Did You Wake Up Today?
8:40 ish
78. What Were You Doing At Midnight Last Night?
Singing "There was 5 in the bed and the little one said roll over, roll over..."
79. What Is Your Favorite Thing In Your Room?
Well, my cabbage leaf :)
80. Where Is Your Best Friend Right Now?
Floating over rooftops on a seahorse. Just kidding, I would think somewhere in her town, but I'm not sure.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Here's what I'm Lovin'

  • Teachers who answer stupid questions. Thank you all my amazing teachers who hung in there with me as I tried to get my online stuff set up. Once again, I am getting excited about school. Or maybe that's just the excitement after we fixed a problem. Once we hit the next bump in the road, I'm sure I'll be complaining again.

  • Bubble Baths, that give me a time out when the stress of school, among other things, is getting to be too much.

  • Lovely friends who take the time to make you a box filled with wonderful home-made goodies just to make your day, even if they live in another country!

  • Lunchables that make you feel like you're in 6th grade again, and not a sophmore in high school!

  • Pinterest! It makes me feel like I CAN sit on the computer for hours and not be doing nothing, because I am doing something. I am planning my dream wedding, or my dream house, or my dream closet, or my dream shoe collection... (Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know technically it's doing nothing, but a girl can dream, can't she?) I have a new found love with pinterest.

  • Sitting around in my P.J's all day

What are you loving? Please, Share!

Hope you are having an amazing Friday, and have a great long weekend!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Where Does Your Worth Come From?

Like most people who blog, I would assume, I love getting comments. I love that leap of excitement I get when I check my emails and find that one of you lovely people have commented on something that I wrote. I love the burst of energy I get when I see that one more person has been added to my following. Who doesn't? It's almost like those comments are validation, that I did a good job, that I was an inspiration to someone else, that I was good enough. That's what it is, isn't it? It's like in that moment, I have validation that I was good enough. Writing in a blog, sharing your heart to people everywhere, it's nerve wracking. Suddenly everyone can judge you, form their own opinions about you. And when I get a comment, when I get just *One more* added to my following, it's like I was good enough. This time, I was good enough. Here's what I realized the other night, when I was thinking about this. It's a couple things actually...
1. It doesn't matter how good I blogged that last day or how many comments I get on a post or how many followers I have, my worth is not found in any of it. My worth is not measured by how many followers I have or if anybody commented on that last post. When I get to heaven, God is not going to turn me away because I didn't have enough followers or didn't get enough comments on a post. My worth is found in God alone. My worth is not determined on the amount of comments I recieve or the amount of followers I have. Even if I get all the comments in the world, even if every human being from every country followed my blog, that wouldn't make me good enough. It would probably add more pressure, making me feel like I had to please everybody. My worth does not come from how well I did on that post or whatever, my worth comes from God.
2. I can't please everyone! No two people on this earth think exactly alike. Where as one person could totally be in love with what I wrote one day, another person could totally hate it. I can't make everyone happy. I blog and put what I feel out there for the entire world, or whoever is reading my blog, and they can judge, they can decide for themselves how they feel about it. Does that mean I should stop blogging because, oh well, I can't make everyone happy? Definatly not! I love blogging. I'm not going to stop because one person out there doesn't like it.
3. Like I mentioned earlier, I love comments. And I love followers. And that's not wrong. At the begining, when I first started this blog, I thought I would blog even if I had no followers, just because I loved writing down and putting what I wanted to say out there. Somewhere along the line, that changed and I began worrying about what other people thought of that last post. I need to get back to writing for me, letting other people form their own opinions. Like I said, not everyone will be inspired or moved by what i write. And that's ok. Comments and followers are ok, they're actually really amazing. I love all my followers and I love getting comments. I just realized my worth doesn't come from what they think, but from what God thinks.