Monday, October 31, 2011
So here we go, almost ready to dive into the waters of NaNoWriMo.
I'll try to keep everyone updated on... well, everything
So here we go...
Sunday, October 30, 2011
On Friday night I was tired. I didn't want to pick myself up and go hang out with 400+ other youth. But I went anyway. I was already dreading the usual Friday Night lows (a time on Friday nights where my blood sugar drops. happens every year, or did.) Anyway, we got into the session and the band began playing. They played this one song and it was amazing. In that moment I kind of threw my hands up and was like "Ok God, I'm obviously here for a reason. Show me what that is." The first thing the speaker said when he got on stage was that nobody was here on accident. NOBODY was here on accident. That night was the first Friday Night at Dtp in my 4 years of going that I didn't have the usual Friday night lows. And when I got into bed, exhausted, at around 1 in the morning, I was already worrying about the small amount of sleep I would get. Then it was kind of like God said to me "Don't you believe I am going to take care of you? Do you believe I am going to give you everything you need?" And when I woke up the next morning, after only being half awake through breakfast, when we got to the session and it started, I was wide awake. Saturday morning's talk was on hardships. When the band sang one song, Our God, and the line "Our God is healer," came up on the powerpoint, I was hit. Did I truely believe that God was a healer, MY healer? Did I truely believe that no matter what challenges this next week brings, that He had the power to heal me, or not to? And that no matter what He chose, that He was still good? After lunch I went to a worship seminar. It was just a really cool time to be together with other people who were just there to worship God. We went to the mall for supper, and then there was another ralley, and then the comedian and the concert (Bob Smiley and Jeff Deyo and Band.) This morning was another early morning, but I was totally refreshed and energized. After another great worship time, the speaker came up to speak one last time. He talked about faith, and what that means. It's like saying My only hope is you, my only hope is you, my only hope is you and being in a place of complete dependence on God, because without Him, you would be toast.
So yeah, I went into this weekend tired and just wanting to stay at home and relax. But coming out of it, I realized I was taught so much more then I ever thought I would. It was an amazing weekend, and I am so glad I went, even if now I have to catch up on some sleep.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
God, meet us in this place.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
* Friends who will drive you home at quarter to 12, and still have great conversations with you in the car.
* Being packed together at Missions night in the market. Like literally squished together so that you were up against one person with no where to move because there were people trapping you in on every side. Good thing I wasn't claustraphobic. But yeah, that was a lot of fun.
* Sushi, and some sort of Indian Dessert thing and some sort of African berry juice thing. Anyway, lots of yummy cultural food going on.
So yep, I'm kinda tired this morning. But these nights, the ones I spend with my friends doing who knows what, those are the best ones. And I wouldn't trade them for the world.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Taken from the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
I signed up for NaNoWriMo today. Everybody knows I like to write, and I do. I've had this story that's been hiding away in the back of my mind now. I've figured out plots and characters and even written entire scenes in my head. But 50,000 words in one month! I don't know if I can do that... But I'm gonna try anyway. I'm going to write (While still keeping up with my responsibilities.) and I may possibly go a little crazy. But I'm going to try, and we'll see where I end up at the end of November. Cheer me on, cause here I go...
Saturday, October 15, 2011
This guy, who loved the most precious little girl with me
Friday, October 14, 2011
The picture is staring at me... I feel a strange connection to the girl within. Then I realize, we are both lost. Lost in the darkness of night, the cover of blackness. Lost as a person, now only a patient of the medical world. Lost in the unknown, alone and helpless. We are lost. That girl in the painting, she will never move. She's stuck in the darkness of her surroundings. But for me, I have to believe there is still hope. I have to believe that soon the dark will turn to day and I will no longer be lost, but found. I have to believe, I must have hope. Or remain lost in the dark forever.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Show me how to live, every whispered breath uttering thanks. Help me see your purpose for me. I know You have plans for this, for me. I know I am here for a reason. I know I am not forgotten. I know this indescribable pain, this heart ache, is a part of your plan. You know the sound of my breaking heart. You hold together my broken body. It is too much for me. My fingers ache from clinging to this thread of hope. My soul cries out for mercy. My tear filled voice begs you to tell me why I am here. But, oh God, I feel You holding me, carrying me through the dark valleys. I feel Your strength penetrating my being when I am weak and ready to quit. I feel you here. So with my tear stained face, I will give thanks. In my hopelessness, I will be grateful. In my heartache, I will trust. For even in my brokenness, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. For even in the darkest nights, you have a plan. I will praise you through this night, for I know joy will come in the morning.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
As you all know, I went to see the very funny GI doctor on Thursday. Here's the scoop:
On November 6, I go in for prep. I am on IV's and will be taking meds that will make me very sick.
On November 7, I go in for a gastroscopy, a colonoscopy and a bunch of biopsies. (Thank goodness for Anesthesia.)
Before all of this takes place, I will need to get a bunch of more tests done at the lab here.
I've been in shut down mode for a few days now. I don't understand why something that I wanted for so long has the power to scare me to death. I don't understand why it hurts like it does. I don't understand... and I hate that. I hate not knowing, I hate the fear that lurks around in the shadows of the unknown.
And yet... I will blindly follow into the land of the unknown. I will trust in a God who knows the plans He has for me, and that those plans are good. I believe that He will never leave me alone as I walk through the valley of the Shadow of death.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” Isaiah 6:8
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Either way, Pro-life has been on my mind a lot lately. Usually when I hear the term pro-life, it's regarding abortion. It's the choice of choosing life for this unborn child. And when it is said like that, I always thought that "Yes, I am pro-life." But recently, I've come to wonder if maybe pro-life is more then just saying no when it comes to abortion. Maybe pro-life is the value, the preciousness of human life. Maybe pro-life is realizing that this life is a gift. Maybe it's standing up for those who can't stand up for themselves, fighting for those that are unable to fight for themselves. I think pro-life is more then just abortion, though when most people consider pro-life that is the first thing that comes to mind, I know it did for me. But maybe pro-life is more then just protecting the unborn babies of this country. Maybe it's being just that, pro-life. Maybe it's supporting the preciousness of life, no matter how small the life is.
Recently, I've been taking time for prayer. I know that sounds silly, but it's true. It's not much, just a few minutes a couple times a week, to go before God in prayer. Besides asking Him to soften my heart, I've been asking for something else to, praying for something else. I've been praying for life. I've been praying for all those girls and all those women who walk into the abortion clinic, thinking there is no other way. I've been praying for that family in the hospital whose child, sibling, self, whatever, is being forced to live life with a chronic illness, when some others think it would be kinder to Euthanize. I've been praying for hope to be shone into the darkest corners, and for love to find a way to peer through the clouds.. I've been praying, simply for life. Because every life is valuable. Every life is precious. And because the term pro-life means so much more then simply standing against abortion.
So yeah, I'm pro-life
"It all seemed so wrong. I said to myself, 'Somebody ought to do something about this!" Then I realized that I am somebody"
Friday, October 7, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
My plan begins with a semi-healthy teenage girl, whose body is free and is not held captive by this mysterious intruder
But if not...
If I am forced to undergo this new challenge, then I would like to have answers sooner rather then later
But if not...
If I am forced to wait, for some reason which I can't see, please lead me to trust worthy doctors
But if not...
If I am shown to doctors who don't understand my condition, then please keep me from any unnessessary testing
But if not...
If I am forced to undergo tests that are not needed, please save me from any extra pain
But if not...
If the road that lays ahead is filled with pain and hardship, then please save my life
But if not...
If I am to leave this life so young, for a reason which I don't know yet, let my enemy know I will worship no other
Monday, October 3, 2011
- I love wearing high heels, because they make me feel like Addison Montgomery
- I love anything that smells good.
- I discovered I love pottery. I'm not a real artsy person in that sense of the word. My favorite form of art is the kind I make when I put a pen to paper. But I went to my first pottery class today and had a blast. I made a cup. I got to throw lumps of clay really hard. it was fun :)
- I love my friends, probably more then they even know. I love spending Saturday nights/ Sunday Mornings with them. I love watching movies and wasting hours in Superstore. So yeah, I love my friends.
- I love when I get good grades on a test I barely studied for.
- I love wasting hours in the most magical place on earth, the library. I love smelling the books (Don't judge me!) and buying a scone and a water and sitting and watching people.
- I love afternoon naps. Even though during these wonderful events one of the biggest lies I tell myself arises. "I'm not going to fall asleep. I'll just lay here, and close my eyes, and rest my head on this pillow." Yeah right, we all know I am going to fall asleep
- I love the comfort and peace that I have as I walk into these next few days, into the dark unknown.