Beginnings are usually scary, endings are usually sad, but it’s in the middle that counts. So when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will.
This season is the beginning of a lot of things in my life. It’s the ending of a lot of things too, but someone I love always taught me that the ending of something is always just a new beginning.
And I’ve never been good at beginnings. Whenever I open a new journal, I always stare at the first page for a long time and wonder where all these pages will take me. What will happen mid-way through? What will have changed by the time I reach the end? I’m always so afraid to begin writing, to leave my mark on this previously untouched page.
Beginnings sometimes come softly, creeping up on you and before you know it it’s there and it’s begun and the hard part – the part where you actually begin – is over. And other times beginnings come loudly, with gongs and symbols. And the idea of beginning is scarier then the actual beginning itself.
I’m there right now, where the idea of the beginning is much scarier then I know the actual beginning will be. Because it’s new and it’s untouched and it’s all just waiting there for me to put my mark on it. To grow here and touch here and love here, yes, but also to mess up here and make mistakes and fall flat on my face again, and again.
I think beginnings are always necessary. They bring promise, and hope. Even if you mess up in this one, there’s always a new beginning. There’s always a new day, a new hour, a new week, a new month, a new year. People tend to be really romantic about new beginnings, but I guess I tend to see them for what they really are.
We carry our old selves into new beginnings. We just add new layers, change and shape what already exists. The change that comes, that’s the hard part. Beginnings leave so much room for error, but so much room for the sweet things too. And I think I need to remember that.
I need to remember that it’s time to begin, and that they aren’t nearly as scary as I make them out to be.
It’s time to begin reaching out and reaching in and making decisions.
It’s time to begin being honest because it’s in this honesty where the healing can begin.
It’s time to begin making room in my heart for the new things, and letting the old things be changed without fearing what’s coming next.
It’s time to let go and watch my life begin again, and wait for hope to rise up. Because it will. It always does.Beginnings make room for all this hope to rise. And let me tell you, that’s the best part.